Survivor: Disney World
by ms-mcfuzzy
Summary: Do the math: one crazy, hyper, if not insane KH fan, plus eight KH cast members, plus all the imagination a fictional story can hold equals disaster, right? Or just plain old funny, hilarious chaos? Chapter 6 up!
1. Of insane children, aliens, and haunted

CHAPTER 1--Of insane children, aliens, and haunted mansions

"AH where are we!" "Disney World, you dolt. Where else would there be giant signs saying DISNEY WORLD"  
"A department store"  
"Nice try, but no"  
Sora and Riku were standing in the middle of Main Street in the Magic Kingdom. Both had spontaneously appeared there, after dark, when the park was closed.  
(Sora, just before transporting here: -sleeping- Noooooo Cookie Monster, cookies are baaaad for youuuuu...PHYSCE! MY COOKIE MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
Riku, just before transporting here: -up watching the late night horror films- DON'T OPEN THE CLOSET THE MONSTEROUS MONSTERFUL MONSTER OF REDUNDANCY IS THERE! DON'T OPEN IIIIIT! NOOO)  
"So how did we get here"  
"That is a rhetorical question." A voice said from behind them.  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Sora and Riku screamed, falling over. A girl with short brown hair stood in front of them now,  
grinning. She was short, wearing a Stitch T-shirt and jean shorts. Riku was the first to react from his scared-half-to-death state. "Who are you, showing up all of a sudden"  
"YEAH, YOU CAN SCARE PEOPLE DOING THAT"  
"No, mainly just you. But anyway...you're here because I wanted you to be here"  
(Riku, remembering the horror movie) "WHAT! WHAT! THAT'S IT, WE'RE LEAVING--" The gates to the park's entrance and exit closed.  
"Nooo, I don't believe that will comply with the ruuules"  
"Rules?" Sora whimpered.  
"Yeperoo! You two vegetables-for-brains morons are on Survivor Disney World! Isn't that spiffy"  
-cricket cricket cricket-  
"THAT IS SO NOT SPIFFY!" Sora yelled. Riku started crying. "Hey, it's not so bad so long as you're not alone, right?" The girl snapped her fingers, and six other people appeared. "Hey there...Marluxia. Roxas. Tidus. Kairi. Goofy. Leon." Instantly, they all freaked out.  
"WHAT ON EARTH AM I DOING HERE? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO KICK SORA'S BUTT IN CASTLE OBLIVION...wait, you're there...um, that's a bit baffling..." -ponders-  
"W-where am I! WHAT! I WAS FLOATING SOMEWHERE RANDOM UNDERWATER AND ALL OF A SUDDEN I'M HERE! WHAT HAPPENED TO THE BIRDIES? BIIIIIRDIES I WILL AVENGEEEEE YOUUUU"  
"Heeeey, I was almost through the fourth season of Tellitubb--I MEAN PEOPLE WITH CARS THAT GO REALLY FAST AND PERFORM SPECTACULAR STUNTS...848.95793"  
"Heh? Why's it so dark? Disney World? Did I win a contest"  
"Ahyuck, neat! It's all dark and scary, this'll be fun...what are we doing"  
"Ah, now what...I was halfway through my newest edition of Boring Guys Who Drone on and on About Nothing Special monthly"  
Riku and Sora gathered with the rest of the group while the brown-haired girl skipped around laughing to herself.  
Roxas looked at her with disgust. "She's insane"  
"YES THAT'S RIGHT but what does it matter, right!" she screamed. "Anyway, the fun's barely started! You just got here, and you don't even have tribes yet! We need to fix that, don't we?" Everyone shook their heads with fright. "Thaaaat's right, we do! So here's the deal. Think of a number between 5 and 6"  
"That's impossible." Leon mumbled.  
"Oh c'mon, nothing's impossible"  
"Fine. 5 and a half"  
"WRONG! You lose"  
"So"  
"So what!" The girl went into laughing fits.  
"You're seriously insane, aren't you?" Riku asked, stepping back. The girl stood up.  
"Nah, just having fun. Disney is fun, you know? Rides, and...Disney-ness! Aren't you happy"  
"No." They all said at once.  
"Too bad...TRIBE TIME!" Everyone jumped. "Four on each tribe. First is Team Disney. Sora, Marluxia, Goofy, and Kairi." She threw them blue T-shirts with Mickey Mouse symbols drawn on them. "And that leaves the next tribe, Team Yensid. Riku, Roxas, Tidus, and Leon." They got the same kind of shirts, only white. "I'm displeased with these arrangements." Marluxia grumbled.  
"Oh well. Go shear some sheep or whatever it is you do with that scythe"  
"IT'S A COMBAT WEAPON"  
"Suuuuure thing. Your camps are as follows--Team Disney goes to the Philarmagic Theater, and Team Yensid goes to the Haunted Mansion." Riku passed out.  
"WHAT?" Roxas and Tidus shrieked.  
"Hey, I don't make the rules"  
"You don't"  
"Nope. It's mostly...well, no that's me...but there's...no wait, also me...ah, I guess it is me. Shi. Me. Yep." Shi smiled.  
"You're a fiend. A fiend." Tidus hissed, following behind Leon and Roxas, dragging a passed out Riku behind him. Sora and the rest of Team Disney happily skipped off to the theater.  
TWO HOURS LATER--TEAM DISNEY, APPROXIMATELY 3 AM "Ah, this is the liiife." Sora sighed, lying on the carpeted floor. Kairi was walking around, looking at the big screen. Marluxia was slicing chairs in half, and Goofy was singing to himself.  
"Ohhhhhhh I'm all dressed up in a racoon suit,  
Tra lalalaaaaaaaa!  
Just like on Super Mario,  
Tra lalalaaaaaaaa!  
And when the tacos reach L.A,  
Tra lalalaaaaaaaa!  
They will have lattes today,  
Tra lalalaaaaaaaa"  
"WILL YOU STOP THAT INFERNAL SINGING!" Marluxia screamed, shooting flower petals at Goofy.  
"I don't think you should be so forceful for a guy with a giant wheat harvesting tool who shoots flower petals at people." Sora grumbled. "YOU GOING TO TRY AND BACK THAT UP"  
"Sure. Go to some florist shop and get a real job." Marluxia paused.  
"You know, that could actually work"  
"Sora, how do you turn this on?" Kairi pointed at the screen.  
"Ooooh, maybe that shiny red button..." he pressed it and the movie turned on, blaring "Oh I Just Can't Wait to be King". Marluxia started crying, Sora started screaming, Kairi left out of boredom,  
and Goofy danced.  
TEAM YENSID, APPROXIMATELY 3 AM "Eh, eh, are we really going in there?" Tidus whispered to Roxas, who stood next to him, trembling.  
"N-no, Leon is. We're sleeping outside in the warm Florida heat"  
-cold front blows in-  
(At some random house somewhere: We interrupt this show for an important news bulletin. The end of the world is near, I repeat, the end of the world is near! In Florida, temperatures have dropped to 20 degrees! Oh wait...nevermind, that was caused by a twisted little kid with a weather machine. Go back to your lives as normal)  
(Shi: Muahaha...-pats weather machine)  
"WAAAAAH NOW IT'S COLD!" Riku sobbed, who had become concious minutes earlier. Leon kicked down the doors and walked in.  
"Everything's turned off, so it can't be anything too scary. I mean, as long as nothing's moving." Everyone watched with giant eyes as he walked in further and looked around the dim entryway.  
"See? Nothing." He kept walking. Roxas pulled out a notepad.  
"Note to self: Leon is way too fearless to be human. He must be an alien." Tidus glanced at him.  
"You're not serious"  
"But it all adds up! I mean, he's not afraid of anything! ANYTHING! Everybody's afraid of something!" Tidus's eyes widened.  
"YOU'RE RIGHT! We should call somebody"  
"No. Not yet. We need the proof first." Determined to watch Leon's reaction to the inside of the mansion, they threw caution to the wind and scampered in. Riku was left all alone.  
"Hey, this isn't so bad! I could sleep out here!" A bird flew by and tweeted. Riku screamed bloody murder and ran inside.  
It was really dark, and he could barely make out Leon ahead of him, with Tidus and Roxas close behind. It was so dark, though, that he wasn't sure he would be able to make it to them without tripping over something. He reached around on the wall for a switch until his hand felt one.  
"Hey, I found the light!" He switched it on, and everything turned bright.  
Chaos ensued.  
"WELCOME, FOOLISH MORTALS, TO THE HAUNTED MANSION!" an eerie voiced shouted. Maniacal laughter followed, and the mansion came alive. Manikans started moving. Tidus and Roxas hugged each other in fear, screaming and crying. Riku backed up as close to the wall as he could, screeching for all he was worth.  
Leon looked at a manikan whose heart was showing, unfazed. Everyone else sat and screamed all through the night while Leon went to bed.


	2. Terror, Father Time, and the quarrels of

CHAPTER 2--Terror, Father Time, and the quarrels of young love

TEAM DISNEY, DAY 1 "Goofy, how many times have you watched this stupid show!" Sora cried.  
"789, and counting"  
"Well let's not make it counting." Kairi grumbled. Marluxia hacked away at the screen with his scythe.  
"STOP...PLAYING...CHEERY...MUSIC!" The screen shut off for the 789th time. And Goofy fixed it and turned it back on for the 790th.  
TEAM YENSID, DAY 1 "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Riku, Tidus, and Roxas yelled, their voices hoarse from hours of screaming. Leon sighed, drinking coffee he had gone and made for himself somewhere.  
"You'd think you'd have gotten used to it by now, after flipping out for six hours straight"  
"YOU WERE USED TO IT FROM THE FIRST MILLISECOND, YOU ABNORMAL FREAKIZOID!" Roxas said through his screaming. Leon shrugged. Feeling brave, Riku kicked one of the manikans.  
"DIE, SCARY DUDE!" The manikan's head came off and plopped in front of Roxas, who fainted. Tidus screamed louder and kicked it across the floor near Leon. Leon looked at it, blinked, and returned to his coffee while Tidus and Riku continued screaming.  
Suddenly everything stopped. The lights stayed on, but the horror ended. Riku sobbed with relief and Tidus fell asleep instantly. Shi walked in.  
"Hideeho, friends! Agh, what happened here?" she asked, looking over at Tidus, asleep, and Roxas, unconcious. Riku continued crying. Leon chugged the rest of his coffee.  
"The three of them have screamed and cried for six hours, non-stop. He fell asleep, he passed out, and he's crying even though the ride's shut off." Shi sighed.  
"I see. Well, you and Riku gather up your teammates and meet me at the entrance to MGM for the first challenge. I'm going to gather up Team Disney. TTFN"  
TEN MINUTES LATER "Knock knock, open up!" Shi shouted, banging on the double-door entrance to the actual theater. She was standing in the lobby. Kairi opened the door a tiny crack and gasped.  
"Oh it's you...good...is it time to go somewhere else"  
"Uh, um...y-yes"  
"OH GOODY, DO COME IN THEN!" she chirped. Shi hesitantly walked in, and gasped at what she saw.  
Marluxia and Sora were huddled in the back of the room, aplogizing to each other for their rivalry, finally driven to insanity.  
And Goofy was singing and dancing to the chorus of "Under the Sea". Sora noticed Shi and ran over.  
"Vote me off. Now. Have mercy. 3,125 TIMES! 3,125! IN A SINGLE HOUR!" Shi flinched.  
"Um...well, before anyone gets voted off, we have to have the first challenge..." Marluxia ran out the door without even thinking, and Sora followed.  
"Where?" Kairi asked, ready to chase after them.  
"MGM. Entrance"  
"All right..." she ran off. Shi turned to Goofy.  
"Time to go"  
"One more time"  
"I'm sure you were saying that hours ago, and it was all a lie. So no. Come on." She ripped the electrical cords for the screen in half. Goofy walked sadly out the door, solemnly humming "A Whole New World.  
FIRST CHALLENGE "Okay. First, rules. We are at MGM, home of two famous rides." She reached into her pocket. "Doggie biscuit shaped graham cracker to whoever gets it right." Riku and Sora's hands shot up.  
"Um...Sora"  
"WHY SORA! MY HAND WENT UP FIRST"  
"I'm sorry, but my superior Soraisbetterthanyou intuition tells me that his went up exactly one billionth of a second before yours. Sora, go ahead"  
"Um, okay...Tower of Terror and the Rock n Roller Coaster featuring Aerosmith!" "DING DING DING you are corrrrrrrect!" She tossed him the cookie, which he devoured. "And in this case, the Tower of Terror is involved." Riku gulped. "You will all follow me to the ride, where I will make sure each and every one of you gets on. The ride will start, and when it ends, you can choose to get off if you want to." There was a general relief felt through the group, but Leon just stood there. Roxas scribbled more notes. "You can get off at any time. But if you do get off, you're out, and you make it easier for your team to lose. The last person on the ride will win a reward for their team, plus an immunity for their team, and they will not have to go to tribal council tonight. Council is held at the Cinderella castle. And the immunity idol is..." she pulled out a Mickey Mouse plushie. Everyone ooed and awwed. Leon coughed. Roxas wrote more, glancing at Tidus every now and then and nodding. "Sooooo off we goooooo!" They walked through the gates and down one of the side streets, down past the theater where Beauty and the Beast was, and up the path to the Hollywood Grand Hotel--the Tower of Terror.  
"Everybody in a line." They listened. "Sora, you first. Go in." Sora whimpered and sat in the elevator car. Riku followed, then Kairi, Goofy, Tidus, Roxas, Marluxia, and Leon. The gates closed, and the elevator went up. The preshow started, with the little holograms talking. "Well, there you go then." the hologram said, and almost instantly the car plummeted. Then it rose a few floors, and plummeted again. This continued for a minute or so, and then the car stopped where it had began at the bottom. The door opened, and Shi crossed her arms.  
"Anyone ready to get off?" She looked at Sora and Riku, who had turned whiter than snow, Tidus and Roxas, who were getting sick, Leon, completely unfazed as always, Kairi panting, Marluxia crying, and Goofy looking bored.  
"I-I'll get off." Kairi gasped, staggering onto the platform where Shi stood. Goofy jumped up.  
"I wanna go watch my movie!" Shi shrugged.  
"It's your choice to get off, but that takes off half your team's chances of winning"  
"I don't care about winning too much, ayhuck. It's not like our well-being depends on it"  
"IT DOES DEPEND ON IT YOU"  
"Sora, that's enough. Goofy, if you want to get off, be my guest and go ahead." Goofy got off, leaving Sora fuming and Marluxia still oblivious except for his crying. "Okay folks, here we go. No preshow, this time, just the ride, so it's a little shorter. Bye for now!" The car went through the ride again, and Marluxia got off, followed by Tidus. That left three people from Team Yensid and only one, Sora, from Team Disney. The ride kept going, and twenty minutes and twenty rides later, Roxas got off, and Leon left to get some food for himself. Now it was down to just Sora and Riku.  
"I'm...not getting off." Riku gasped, covering his mouth in fear of getting sick.  
"Neither am I"  
THREE HOURS LATER "T-That's it, I can't take it anymore"  
"Are you sure"  
"Yes. I can't take another ride...not one more"  
"Okay, go ahead." Shi let him out.  
"SORA, HOW COULD YOU?" Kairi whined. Sora stomped his foot.  
"Who got off first, sister"  
"Enough fighting. Riku, you win. Riku?" Shi poked his shoulder. He had fallen over from exhaustion. "Oh well. You guys won...and here's your plushie." She tossed it to Tidus, who hugged it. "Your reward is two nights at the All-Star Movie resort, in the Fantasia building. Here's your room keys. You have adjoining rooms, unlimited pool access, free food from the cafeteria, unlimited arcade time...we rigged the games so there's no tickets, but it's free to play...and the whole place to yourself, seeing as it was closed down for this very event. Now off you go, enjoy your reward!" Leon retrieved Riku and walked down the street to the entrance, Tidus and Roxas happily prancing and chatting behind him. "Sorry, but Team Disney, back to camp. Council is in an hour." Sora staggered off behind Kairi, Marluxia follwing. Goofy ran ahead, yelling about his movie. TEAM YENSID "STUPID DOOR! OPEN, STUPID DOOR!" Roxas screamed, punching and kicking the door to the room he was sharing with Riku. Leon walked up behind him and moved him out of the way.  
"You're supposed to use the key." He put the card in the slot and opened the door.  
"Note to self 354: Leon knows way too much to have a normal IQ. Yet another piece of evidence that he must be an alien"  
Tidus finally made it up the stairs, dragging Riku behind him.  
"So...many...stairs"  
"Why didn't you just use the elevator?" Leon asked.  
"YOU HAVE TOO MUCH COMMON SENSE TO BE NORMAL!" Roxas yelled.  
"No, you just don't have enough"  
"AND YOU'RE WAY TOO GOOD AT COMEBACKS! YOU'RE AN ALIEN"  
"An alien"  
"Yeah, an alien! Watch your back pal, I'm on to you"  
"Whatever." He went inside.  
"Smooth move, blondy. You blew our cover." Tidus grumbled, heaving Riku onto a bed and leaving him there.  
"Well he doesn't believe us. So we still have a chance to reveal him as the fraud that he is"  
"Okay. I'm going to get some food." Roxas watched him walk away.  
"AND DON'T CALL ME BLONDY"  
"Sure thing, Goldilocks." Tidus called back. Roxas picked up the Mickey plushie and hugged it.  
"You won't call me names, now will you? That's right, because you're my best buddy ever!" (Insane much)  
TEAM DISNEY "GOOFY YOU ARE SUCH A MORON"  
"Ahyuck, that's not very nice"  
"I DON'T CARE IF IT'S NOT NICE! YOUR BRAIN IS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A DUST SPECK! YOU'RE USELESS, USELESS, YOU STUPID MORONIC LITTLE"  
"Sora!" Kairi snapped. "Stop it. We're all mad, but you're the one that gave up in the end"  
"OH, SO NOW YOU'RE ON MY CASE TOO? GREAT! MY OWN GIRLFRIEND, GOING AGAINST ME"  
"WHO SAID I WAS YOUR GIRLFRIEND"  
"NOW YOU'RE DUMPING ME"  
"WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER"  
"The quarrels of young love..." Marluxia mumbled.  
"STAY OUT OF THIS, GRANDPA"  
"WHO ARE YOU CALLING GRANDPA, SHORT STUFF!" He hurled flower petals at Sora, who grabbed them and tossed them back.  
"You're a sissy that fights with dumb flowers"  
"THEY ARE NOT DUMB, THEY'RE LETHAL"  
"Look, Father Time, we don't need your input." Kairi grumbled. Marluxia turned brick red and started hurling his scythe around, chopping down chairs and carving curtains into shredded bits.  
Kairi and Sora continued screaming and yelling at each other over both their so-called "relationship" and what was now known as the TOT (Tower of Terror) incident.  
Meanwhile, Goofy was watching his movie for the 4,567th time. In a row.  
After about an hour of this, the place was in ruins, Kairi had reduced Sora to tears, and Goofy had broken the movie by playing it too many times. Finally, Sora stopped bawling long enough to say he was cold.  
"Well we can't make a fire. We have no wood." Kairi said gently, feeling bad that she made him cry. "I'm going to Tomorrowland to get us some food from that...food place. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone." She left, leaving Marluxia and Sora alone, in the same room, both with grudges.  
FYI, that's not good.  
"So old timer, how's it going on your end"  
"STOP MOCKING MY AGE"  
"I'm not mocking your age, I'm mocking your aging. You're only like what, 40ish? You look 145ish"  
"I DO NOT"  
"Yeah, you kind of do...oh well, you're a lost cause and that's that. I need a fire..." Marluxia looked at him with doubt.  
"You can't do anything right, so don't try"  
"I CAN TOO"  
"Oh really? I'll give you 10 bucks if you can do something smart for once"  
"Okay then! I'll be smart and make a fire!" He grabbed some chair remains and piled them up, and then whipped out his Keyblade to torch them.  
In about 4 seconds flat, the place was in flames.  
"See? Nice going. Now the place is toast. I'm keeping my 10 bucks"  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I DIDN'T MEAN IT WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH IT'S ON FIRE OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KAIRI'S GOING TO BE SO MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!" He ran outside, followed by Marluxia and eventually Goofy. Kairi came back and saw the pile of ashes that had been the theater, and she sat down and sobbed. Sora walked over.  
"It's okay Kai...heyyyy, nachoooos..." "Sora you insensitive dirt clod"  
"Hey, dirt should never be used in an insult. Dirt is nice and it never did anything to you so there's no reason to be angry with it." Shi walked out from behind the 10 foot high mound of ashes.  
"Wow, you guys look like you're doing..." she cringed. "...well"  
"Just go ahead and say it!" Kairi wailed. "I'm the only girl here besides you and I got stuck on a team with the biggest losers known to mankind!" Sora looked at her, shocked.  
"I am not a loser"  
"YOU ARE TOO"  
"SO ARE YOU DUMPING ME AGAIN"  
"I NEVER DUMPED YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE BECAUSE WE WERE NEVER TOGETHER TO BEGIN WITH"  
"Okay, I'm just going to end this now...get your stuff and come to tribal council." Everyone looked around.  
"We have no stuff." Sora said sadly.  
"Okay then...follow me to the council." They all got up and walked down the street, around a couple corners, and up to the inside of the Cinderella castle, where minature bleachers with three rows had been set up. "Everybody sit down." They all sat, Sora and Kairi in the front row, Marluxia in the middle, and Goofy in the back. Shi pointed to a box after they had all settled down. "You put your votes in that box using the uber-cutesy Snoopy paper I had printed just for the occasion"  
"Snoopy?" Kairi asked.  
"Yeah, you know, he's sooo cuuute! Anyway, the person who recieves the most votes is voted off. If someone recieves more than two, I'll stop reading the votes and they will come forward.  
Sora, you can place your vote first." As he was walking up, Goofy raised his hand. "What"  
"What does the winner get"  
"There is no winner"  
"Well there has to be a winner, ahyuck"  
"But there is no"  
"OF COURSE THERE IS A WINNER, Goofy!" Kairi shouted, looking at Shi as if to say 'just go with the flow on this'. "They get a special secret prize"  
"Oh boy, I hope I win"  
"Don't worry, I'm sure you will..." Marluxia growled. Sora came back and sat down. Kairi went next, then Marluxia, then Goofy. "Before I start going through these votes, do any of you have any comments about your first couple days"  
"I hate Goofy with a burning passion and if I have to watch that stupid movie one more time I'll break his legs." Sora said menacingly. Shi looked at him with a scared expression. "K-Kairi, anything you'd like to say"  
"Marluxia needs aging cream"  
"THAT'S WHAT I WAS GONNA SAY NEXT!" Sora screeched.  
"OH WELL, YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID THAT INSTEAD"  
"YOU'RE ALWAYS STEALNG MY SPOTLIGHT! WHAT KIND OF GIRLFRIEND ARE YOU"  
"I'M NOT YOUR GIRLFRIEND, SORA"  
"THIS IS THE THIRD TIME YOU'VE DUMPED ME TODAY! ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE"  
"I NEVER DUMPED YOU! WE WERE NEVER GOING OUT! SHUT UP"  
"I DON'T NEED AGING CREAM"  
"CAN IT FLOWER BOY!" Shi started reading the votes to shut them all up.  
"First vote--Kairi. And it says at the bottom...'go fall in a ditch"  
"Niiiice. That's just super. Thanks for brightening my day." Kairi said sarcastically. She glared at Marluxia, who had obviously placed the vote because he was congratulating himself.  
"Good job on your poker face there, you floral sissy." Sora whispered.  
"Next vote--Goofy. Third vote--umm...Father Time." Sora burst out laughing.  
"WHO NEEDS TO WORK ON THEIR POKER FACE NOW, YOU INCONSIDERATE WHELP"  
"Anyway...last vote is...oh wait, it's all blurry...it says...myself. Who's myself?" Goofy stood up, tears in his eyes.  
"That's me, and I would like to say I am so honored that someone else voted for me...and I gladly accept the position as the head of security"  
"What?" Shi asked.  
"The prize! I've always wanted to be a security guard...this is the greatest moment ever"  
"Um, okay, fine. If you go out to the front gate with this little slip of paper, they'll give you your shiny badge"  
"Yipee!" He snatched the paper and ran off. In about three minutes, Shi got up.  
"You can all leave now"  
"Where'd Goofy go"  
"Ah, the people I hired to help with this little event were waiting out there. They probably shipped him back to...somewhere. Probably some Kingdom Hearts world...Disney castle, maybe"  
"Kingdom Hearts...pah! I hate that game. The story's such a chick flick type thing..." Kairi slapped her forehead.  
"Sora, everything you ever do that is at all heroic in your pathetic life is in that game. Which is actually your life. Computer-enhanced and packed onto a disc for entertaiment"  
"My life is a video game"  
"To make a very long story short, yes." Shi said. Marluxia grinned.  
"Yes, that's right. Sora, your life is worth about 20 bucks. And it's on billions of CDs that people play for enjoyment...that's right, people toy with your life for fun"  
"WHAT"  
"Don't say that...even though it's true..." Shi pleaded.  
"My life is practically worthless..." Sora sobbed. "I'm going to go be in denile now..." He walked back to where the pile of ashes was.  
"Hey, wrong way! I forgot to tell you--your new camp is at the Stitch's Great Escape ride. In the first room, primarily. Not where Skippy and that jelly-doughnut alien are. So go that way." Kairi and Marluxia cheered, and Sora managed a feeble 'yay.  
Shi shook her head.  
"They're doomed. When it all comes down to what's important in this game, they're absolutely doomed."


	3. Drowning in insanity

CHAPTER 3--Drowning in insanity

TWO DAYS LATER--TEAM YENSID, DAY 4 (OR IS IT 3? OH NOOOOO I LOST COOOUNT)  
"Awww, we have to leave?" Roxas whined, hugging the Mickey plushie. Tidus was staring at Leon, who was watching random paint dry. Riku was looking for his other shoe.  
"Yes, you have to leave...but it's already time for another challenge! There won't be another one for a while, and we need a chance for you to have a tribal council, as mean as that sounds"  
Riku's lip trembled.  
"Y-You h-haaaaaate us!" He started bawling. Shi rolled her eyes and slapped him upside the head.  
"Pull yourself togther, you're fifteen for Pete's sake!" Roxas jumped.  
"WHO'S PETE! LEON'S ALIEN ACCOMPLICE I mean...a friend of yours"  
"It's a saying." Leon droned.  
"HOW DO YOU KNOW ALL THIS"  
"I have a brain"  
"AH HAH! I KNEW IT! YOU HAVE ADVANTAGES THAT NO HUMAN THE LIKES OF ME COULD EVER HAVE"  
"You got that right..." Shi mumbled.  
"YOU'RE IN ON THIS TOO? YOU'RE ALL PROBABLY ON HIS SIDE! ALIENS, THE WHOLE LOT OF YOU ARE ALIENS!" He ran down the street towards the main road that led back to the Magic Kingdom.  
"We better follow him and make sure he doesn't get hit by a car or something..." Tidus said, walking in the direction Roxas had bolted. "...that would just complicate things"  
"That's so mean..." Riku said with shock.  
"No. It's not. Because if a car came anywhere close to hitting him, he'd cause such a scene the driver would leave and he wouldn't even know. And probably call the cops"  
-cricket cricket cricket-  
"Okaaaaay..." Shi said. They all started down the main road, keeping their distance from Tidus.  
TEAM DISNEY, DAY 4/3 "Can't go on...much...longer..." Sora groaned, watching a single piece of popcorn and waiting for it to pop. He was roasting it over a tiny fire no taller than a pencil. Kairi was next to him, trying to toast a bread crust, and Marluxia was eating his flower petals. Kairi stared.  
"Won't you get sick from eating all those"  
"Who knows...they taste like cherry Starburst." He munched on a handful and offered some to Sora, who shook his head.  
"No...it's not worth it...I'm only worth 20 bucks..." "Sora! Don't talk like that! You're worth a lot more than 20 bucks!" Marluxia coughed.  
"Yeah, maybe 29.99--when the game isn't on discount"  
"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sora sobbed, falling on the cement and bursting into tears. While he threw a fit, his popcorn popped. Marluxia snatched it and swallowed it whole.  
"YOU ATE HIS POPCORN"  
"HE ATE MY POPCORN"  
"Hello friends!" Shi called from nearby.  
"HE ATE MY POPCOOOOOORN!" Sora whined, crying hysterically. Shi watched him throw his tantrum, get up, and kick Marluxia--all the time apalled.  
"WHY, FATHER TIME, WHY"  
"THAT'S WHY! YOU WON'T STOP CALLING ME THAT!" Suddenly, in one moment, Marluxia turned pale. "B-Bathroom..." He ran off.  
"What's with hi"  
"Flower petals aren't edible." Was all Kairi and Sora said.  
SECOND CHALLENGE "This challenge takes place in Typhoon Lagoon! Aren't you excited!" Shi cheered, looking for some happiness. No one moved. "Please, contain your enthusiasm"  
-silence-  
"Well. It's here. And right now, we're all standing near this big pool, riiight"  
-nod nod-  
"Good, you understand! Yay! Anyway, the point is that I've thrown gold coins into the pool somewhere. This pool is huuuge--so it's going to be hard, and it's going to take a long time. If anyone thinks they will not be able to withstand this terrible task, please speak now"  
-silence-  
"Or forever hold your peace"  
-silenter silence-  
"Fine then, be that way. You have to take each coin and put it in this machine." She pointed to an ATM shaped like Mickey Mouse. "If you hear the Kingdom Hearts theme start playing, you got the right coin and you win. The team who gets the coin will get the immunity." She snatched the plushie away from Roxas, who screamed like a girl and passed out. Riku kicked him and he slowly got up. "Okay ready 1-2-3 EVERYBODY IN!" She blew a whistle really loud and everybody got so scared they fell in. After a moment, they all resurfaced and went off to look for the coins.  
Except Sora.  
He splished and splashed in one spot, screaming and yelling. No one noticed, and no one cared. Every few minutes he got closer to sinking. Just as Kairi put in the right coin, he sank. Everyone was getting out of the pool when Shi noticed Sora was missing.  
"Oh man, I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this..." she blew a red whistle and a lifeguard team appeared. "It costs ten dollars every time." They hurled Sora onto the pavement, coughing and sputtering.  
"They charge you to call for help?" Kairi gasped.  
"It costs money to save lives!" Riku said.  
"This world just gets cheaper by the second..." Roxas said with annoyance. I looked at Sora with more annoyance.  
So much annoyance.  
"Sora, how come you didn't say something before"  
"I dunno"  
"Well, who else was supposed to know you can't swim"  
"I can too swim"  
"Sora, you sank like a rock"  
"Well whatever! So what if I can't swim"  
"You live on an island SURROUNDED by water, I expected you to know how to swim, like everyone else." "I guess you're just too stupid..." Marluxia mumbled.  
"I'M NOT STUPID!" Sora screamed, throwing his towel at him.  
"You can't spell stupid without u, Sora." Riku said. "SO I CAN'T SWIM! WHATEVER! I BLAME THE ECONOMY!" Sora started yelling and stormed off to his camp.  
"The economy...?" Kairi said, confused. "What kind of excuse is that"  
-thoughtful silence-  
"A mystery." Riku concluded. Everyone agreed.  
"Well, in any case, Kairi found the coin. Yensid, tribal council for you tonight"  
"THIS WAS RIGGED!" Tidus screeched. Him and Roxas started chanting about it being rigged, and Leon just stood and watched. Riku threatened to sue. "Miiiickey I will avenge you!" Roxas sobbed. Shi left.  
"Why can't they do anything without causing a scene? Why"  
"Blame the economy." Leon snapped, leaving his teammates to make picket signs out of the sidewalk--which wasn't working, seeing as the sidewalk was cemented to the ground.  
TEAM DISNEY "W00T GO USSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!" Sora screeched.  
"W00t?" Kairi asked. "Sora, you look like a n00b"  
"i d0 n0t"  
"YES, YOU DO!" she arugued. Marluxia walked in from somewhere.  
"i d0 n0t 100k 1ik3 n00b! i d0 n0t! im in s0m3 s0rt 0f bd m00d 2dy, thts 11!" Marluxia gasped.  
"YOU'RE A N00B"  
"So, what's it to ya?" Sora asked, leaving n00b-ness.  
"Well, you know--when you've just graduated high school and you need a job, you just go into the first thing you can"  
"Fast-food service"  
"No, that's second. You see, back when I graduated high school"  
Sora coughed. "In the 1700s"  
"As I was SAYING, back when I graduated, the most popular job around was n00b hunters"  
-cricket cricket cricket-  
"T-that's so s-scary..." Kairi whimpered.  
"Yeah...meep..." Sora added, shivering.  
"What? It's no different from working at Burger King or something...you take some dead meat and you grill it." Sora realized the metaphor in that and passed out.  
"YOU KILLED PEOPLE!" Kairi screamed.  
"Well, no, but I can't be held responsible for certain injuries...and maybe the occasional coma..." Kairi fainted, and Marluxia looked around. "Huh? What! Was it something I said"  
"Si." said a random Spanish-speaking pigeon.  
"I DIDN'T ASK FOR YOUR INPUT, YOU DUMB BIRD"  
"ESPANOL, EL GATO AND EL AEROPLANO,  
POR FAVOR, SOME CHINESE FOOD CAN I HAVE SOME MORE?  
MUUUUUUUUUCHOS GRACIAS!  
THANK YOU, MUCHOS GRACIAS!" The bird sang, and then it ran away. Marluxia stood in shock.  
YENSID--TRIBAL COUNCIL "Okee dokey then, it's that time of voting-ness." Shi said somberly. Everyone blinked.  
"Soooo"  
"BECAUSE SO, THAT'S WHAT'S SO"  
"That made no sense." Tidus mumbled.  
"I know, but I don't care in the slightest"  
"You don't care about much, do you"  
"No...breathing, video games, anime, sleeping, and eating. Not in that order"  
"Uh huh..." Roxas said, staring at her with fright.  
"Well anyway, it's almost time to vote. You write your ballot on a piece of super-uber-spiffy Kyo stationary! Skeeeeeee"  
"Fine." Leon groaned, standing up. "I'll go first"  
"No, wait, you have to have Friendly Comment Time!" Shi said quickly, dragging Leon back to the risers. "Riku, you first"  
It was then that Friendly Comment Time became Unfriendly Insult Seminar.  
"Okay, well first, Tidus is the most moronic spiky-haired overobsessive freakazoid I have ever had the misfortune to know." Tidus yelled. "Next off, Roxas is completely insane--I suggest you invest in some feety pajamas and a straightjacket, buddy." Roxas started crying. "And Leon--you should never again show your face in public. You scare people to the brink of madness." Leon smacked him. "Ow...well, I'm done. Hey spiky-haired overobsessive freakazoid, you go next!" Tidus stopped screaming long enough to have his say.  
"Riku is the biggest loser in the whole universe, and his very existence is a waste of space and oxygen"  
"That's not very nice..." Shi said, trying to end the fighting. It didn't help any.  
"And Roxas, although I hate Riku more than I hate anything else on Earth, he's right--you're mentally unstable." Roxas cried harder. "Leon, I'm getting a hint that you're having some self-esteem problems. Fix that. It'll do you some good. Crybaby, you're up." Roxas started whimpering.  
"TIDUS YOU'RE SO MEAN! RIKU, YOU HAVE FLEAS, SO STOP TELLING ME I'M INSANE"  
"I have fleas"  
"AND LEON, YOU ARE TOO AN ALIEN! IT'S ABNORMAL THE WAY YOUR BRAIN FUNCTIONS"  
"Leon--please, say something smart that will end all this..." Shi pleaded.  
"You're all losers, and the minute I get home I'm calling the cops on all of you, moving to another country, and changing my name"  
"You mean besides having your name be Squall?" Leon stiffened.  
The following information, friends, is a perfect example of what may/will happen when the world ends. (Ohhhh, that kinda rhymed...spliiiiiiiffy)  
"What did you just say?" Leon growled.  
"That your name is Squall. But then it's Leon. So what is it now, Squeon?" Tidus laughed. Roxas stopped crying. Riku doubled over and went into hysterics.  
"SQUEON, SQUEON, SQUEON!" They chanted. Shi bit her lip, trying not to join in.  
Leon, meanwhile, had turned brick red. Suddenly, the sky split open, revealing a giant fire ball. Don't ask why, that's just how it happened. Anyway, the fireball came down from the sky and completely decimated the entire world in about half a second. Before that half a second was over, the sky went out, everything was black and white, sound went away, and time ran backwards. And then everything just stopped.  
Ten minutes later...everything was fixed. But look, when you have a budget that's fictional, it's possible to fix even the apocalypse. Imagination, people! Creativity, not science! Anywho.  
"Okay then--now we all know to never make fun of Squeon's I MEAN LEON'S, yes, Leon's...name." Shi said, her voice shaking. Riku was white as a ghost, Tidus looked like he was about to cry, and Roxas was crying. Leon was dusting debris of the world off his jacket. "I offically think this is the longest tribal council ever. Enough with the comments, just go and place your votes...on the completely un-super-uber-spiffy non-Kyo stationary because Leon destroyed my super-uber-spiffy Kyo stationary!" Shi started crying. Riku, Tidus, and Roxas all ran up at the same time and voted for the same person (guess who). Leon went last. Shi ended her mourning long enough to read the votes.  
"There's only two...the first one says 'agreed upon vote for Leon', and the second one says Tidus. I guess Leon's off the"  
"Do you want me to end the world again"  
"Hey, th-threats aren't considered very nice in everyday conversation...gambling, maybe, but"  
"Well, do you want me to"  
-silence-  
"TIDUS!" Shi, Riku, and Roxas screamed at once. Shi ran over and stole Tidus's shirt. "Okaynicehavingyouinthegameseeyoulaterhaveasafeflighttowhereverbyeeeeeeeeeeeeenow!" Tidus was promptly carried off by security guards. None of which contained Goofy, if you remember the last council. "Well then, see ya, I'm off to deal with my mental scarring bye!" Shi hurried away,  
screaming. Riku and Roxas ran back to their camp. Leon laughed maniacally and merrily walked back to camp.


	4. The party to end all parties

CHAPTER 4--The party to end all parties...and the world

TEAM DISNEY, NEXT MORNING "Nyuuuuuuu, I don't wanna go to school, mommy...I wanna stay home and make cookies with youuuuuu..." Sora moaned in his sleep. He was stretched across the floor in the lobby of Stitch's Great Escape, rolling around. Kairi was outside trying to fry eggs on her head in the now way too hot weather, and Marluxia was beating up Push the trash can.  
"TRASH CANS AREN'T SUPPOSED TO TALK! AND PIGEONS NEITHER! THEY SPEAK SPANISH NOW! THAT'S NOT RIGHT!" Push had now been successfully beaten to a heap of scrap metal. Marluxia happily walked away and beat up a palm tree instead. Kairi pulled the eggs off her head and plopped them on the ground. They were fried. Going inside, she kicked Sora, who woke up and screamed.  
"WHAT? NO, OF COURSE I DIDN'T KILL THE CLASS HAMSTER! I DON'T KNOW HOW ELSE HE GOT IN THE PAPER SHREDDER, HONEST...wha? Oh, Kairi...hullo...um, pay no attention to anything I just said, it doesn't matter anymore." "Anymore...?" she said with fear. Sora ignored her, ran outside, and saw the eggs. Scarfing them down, he smiled up at her.  
"These are good! Did you buy them somewhere"  
"No. I fried them myself"  
"Cool"  
"Yep. On my head"  
"NOT COOL!" Sora hurried to a trash can and spit out everything that was left in his mouth. "THAT'S DISGUSTING"  
"Sora, that's a shock, hearing this from the kid who eats gum off the sidewalks in New York"  
"Hey, I just wanted some local flavor! And all those restaurants cost money"  
"Good point!" Shi shouted, jumping out from behind a sign. Kairi screamed at the top of her lungs, Sora fell over and choked on a scrap of egg, and Marluxia tripped over Push's remains.  
"Oh sorry, I seem to do that a lot"  
"No, really?" Kairi snapped, whacking Sora on the back. He stopped choking.  
"I...hate you." he gasped.  
"Well, anyway...I'm having a party. Because I feel sorry for you guys"  
-cricket cricket cricket-  
"You're kidding"  
"No"  
"Liar! Liar liar cans perspire"  
"It's pants on fire." Marluxia corrected. Sora threw his shoe at him.  
"I'm not kidding. I'm having a biiiiiiiig party, tonight, at Epcot, and this tribe, Riku's tribe, and other people are invited. So come, unless you wanna starve." She left.  
"That's nice of her. Threatens us with starvation." Sora said sarcastically. Kairi shrugged.  
"Oh well, we don't have anything to lose, so why stay here"  
"I have something to lose, and it's all I have left"  
"And what's that"  
"My dignity. Now gimme my shoe back." Marluxia looked at the shoe and shook his head.  
"Nah, I think I'll sell it on Ebay"  
"DON'T YOU DARE! SOME CRAZY FANGIRLS STOLE MY FAVORITE HAT AND SOLD IT FOR 200 BUCKS, AND THE NATIONAL MONEY PEOPLE CAME AFTER ME, THINKING IT WAS SOME KIND OF SCAM"  
"Someone bought it?" Kairi looked at him with disgust. "National money people?" Marluixia pondered. Sora smiled.  
"Of course they did. I may be worth only 20 bucks, but not to them!" Kairi smacked him and stuffed him in a trash can.  
"Your ego is too big. I hate that. Fix it"  
TEAM YENSID "Huhhhhhhhh AUGH WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!" Riku screamed, noticing Shi right in front of him. Leon woke up from sleeping on top of the table, and Roxas stopped cowering in a corner long enough to walk over.  
"Me? Nothing. Spreading cheer and good will"  
"In an alternate reality, sure. You're here to ruin our lives, aren't you?" Roxas said sleepily.  
"Sadly, no, I don't have that scheduled in until 3...so for now, I'm inviting you to a par-taaaaaaaaaay"  
"I don't do parties." Leon said, leaving.  
"Oh well, his loss. Riku, Roxas, you should come. There's food and stuff. And sugar. So come." Shi left, slamming the big doors behind her and leaving them in the dark. Riku tripped just as Roxas was turning a light back on. He was face to face with a manikan of some dead person. He screamed, kicked it across the room, and ran out the door. Roxas followed him. They were all outside the Haunted Mansion's gates, standing on the edge of the shore leading to the pond. Roxas put his finger in the water and pulled it back.  
"It's colllllllld." he moaned. "That's not faiiiiiiiiir"  
"Life isn't fair." Leon snapped.  
"It should be." Riku went on complaining for ten more minutes, with Roxas adding comments.  
"...and then when I was 12, this kid framed me, and said I set a tree on fire, when I had clearly been putting out the fire, not starting it. I got detention for two months. And that kid got an award from the government for 'weeding out arsonists in a school community'. What a load of baloney"  
"I like baloney. And popsicles. Especially red ones." Roxas said. "AND THAT'S SO UNFAIR THAT CHEAP JERK"  
"YEAH I KNOW ISN'T THAT AWFUL! SO NOT FAIR!" By now, Leon had had enough.  
"You know what else is unfair?" he asked them.  
"What?" they said at the same time.  
"This." He grabbed both of them by their shirt collars and hurled them into the pond. They landed about 10 yards off and splooshed into the freezing water. Roxas came up first, then Riku.  
"YOU STUPID ALIEN YOU! I'LL FRY YOU WITH A MEGA BLASTER YOU WORTHLESS PUNK"  
"And where are you going to get a mega blaster?" Leon asked, smirking.  
"EBAY! WHERE ELSE"  
"Ebay?" Riku asked.  
"Sure. Got 99 cents? I hear they're selling paintball guns for about that much"  
"Here, take two bucks. What's this world coming to, selling guns at an affordable price on a betting website? Sick, I tell you. Sick"  
Several hours later.  
"I wonder if anyone's coming..." Shi said sadly. It was 3 pm, exactly when she had planned for her party to start. And no one was there.  
3:01 pm "HEY you came!" Sora walked through the front gates, followed by Kairi, Marluxia, and several girls in red and gold outfits. "Who's they"  
"Ah ah ah, improper grammar." Marluxia said, shaking his finger. Sora shook his head. He was dressed the same, but wearing a visor, shades, and a skateboard company sweatshirt.  
"Ignore Professor Fossil over there. I'm here, so the party can start." The girls giggled and cheered. Kairi pouted and mumbled to herself, clearly unhappy.  
"Again, who's they"  
"They? Oh, them. They're my fanclub, the Sora Fangirl Society. Did you know that it includes almost a third of the world's girl population"  
"No clue." Kairi grumbled.  
"What a surprise." Marluxia added with sarcasm.  
"Anyway, let's go PARTYYYYYYY!" He gave up the popular act and rushed at the snack table, grabbing a bowl of sugar and chugging it. The fangirls watched with awe and dispersed, joking with each other and laughing about nothing, and trying to catch his visor and sweatshirt as he tossed them aside. He kept the shades.  
"Cliques, the lot of them." Kairi said, standing next to Shi. Both had their arms crossed and were watching with disgust.  
"Red and gold"  
"Sora's theme colors, apparently. It's uniform for them--mostly reinforced by military force"  
"Nice." Riku came through the gate with Roxas and Leon, who were followed by several random people, and another clique of girls, wearing black and blue. Shi sighed.  
"Hello Riku. Hello Roxas. Hello Leon. Hello random people. Hello Riku Fangirl Society." The girls gasped in unison.  
"How do you know who we are?" The girl at the front of the pack said. She was obviously the leader, because she was wearing a pink zip-up sweatshirt with "RFS Leader" monogrammed on the back, and RFS monogrammed on the sleeve, much smaller. Shi sighed again.  
"Lucky guess? Oh well, go have fun." The lead girl snapped her fingers and the rest of them ran off, forming a mob at one end of the area and glaring at the SFS. The SFS glared back. The RFS leader turned to Shi.  
"I'm Kirei. Nice to meet you." She shook her hand. Shi pulled back.  
"I'm not joining, I hope you know that"  
"Yes, that's okay. Just as long as you're not already in the SFS. Then I'd have to kill you." She left.  
"Lovely"  
Thus the party raged onward.  
And raged into chaos. Quiet quickly, actually. If there was ever a world record for fastest time before a party went down the drain because of Sora, we won. Hands down.  
"HELLO CLASS OF 1985!" Sora was standing on the stage, swaying back and forth. He was on sugar/soda overload. Riku stood next to him, swaying also. Roxas was prancing around behind them, and Marluxia was standing in the crowd with Shi, Kairi, Leon, and both fangirl societies, watching with disappointment. "Sora, you're not even that old...are you? Wait, 2006 minus 1985 is...is..." Shi shouted, counting on her fingers. Music was blaring in the background--the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack. Right now it was on Under the Sea, the instrumental version without the words.  
Kairi sighed. "Who cares! He's only a freshman anyway. Riku's a sophmore"  
"DON'T TELL SORA HE'S WRONG!" The SFS chanted.  
"OH, OH, I KNOW NOW! The answer is 58364!" Everyone stopped for a second and stared. Shi shrugged. "What"  
"You're not very bright, are you?" Leon asked.  
"Nope! I can pass with a kindergarten education, at best!" She smiled.  
"Really...that high..." Marluxia said with mock amazement. Sora adjusted his crooked shades and kept screaming into the mike.  
"TODAY, WE SAY, GOODBYE, TO OUR SCHOOL, AND HELLO, TO OUR FUTURES! MAKING FRENCH FRIES!" He laughed so hard he fell over onto his back, the shades falling off into the crowd. A random fangirl grabbed it and was promptly attacked and offered money for it. Riku took the mike from Sora's hand and leaned against the empty mike stand.  
"I'd like to thank my family and friends for this award"  
"What award!" Kairi shouted. "Get off the stage and go to bed, you overhyper freak"  
"DON'T CALL RIKU NAMES!" The RFS yelled, chucking Sora's collection of empty soda cans at her. The SFA caught most of them and shoved them in a sterile bag for souvenirs.  
Roxas started singing. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EEEVERYBODY'S NERVES!" Riku joined in. "I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES,  
AND THIS IS HOW IT GOES DUN DUN DUN..." Sora stole the mike and screamed into it.  
"I KNOW A SONG THAT GETS ON EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES, EVERYBODY'S NERVES..." Kairi finally decided to leave.  
"I'm going to get his shoes...which are over there...and his visor he paid 12 bucks for, and that stupid sweatshirt he took from Roxas. Call me on my cell when he passes out, okay?" She gave Shi a slip of paper with her number on it. "And don't you join in too and lose it, or else I'll be forced to make you wear pink." Shi screamed, hugging her red sweatshirt and every-color-but-  
stuff-that's-too-bright wardrobe. Kairi started walking away when Marluxia said something that would change our lives--and insurance policies--forever.  
"Aw, what a dedicated girlfriend, picking up after..." The SFS spun around.  
"What!" The head SFS fangirl, named Kari (short for Hikari) snapped. "She's Sora's..." "GIRLFRIEND!" Kairi shrieked. "Look Mr. Fossil, I'm not"  
"SORA'S GIRLFRIEND!" The entire SFS screamed. The random people, who have not been mentioned lately, gasped. Kari clenched her fists and advanced.  
"N-no, you guys got it all wrong." Kairi pleaded. "I'm n-not his girlfriend, hon-honest"  
Kari tensed. "Get 'er"  
Twelve minutes and 14.4947o9479373yorhfg9579587 seconds later.  
"HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Kairi was running for her life, literally, with a million or so fangirls behind her.  
And the saddest thing is, no one noticed.  
Riku: OKAY...WELL, I HAVE SOME INSIGHTS INTO KH2 THAT I WOULD LIKE VERY MUCH TO SHARE WITH YOU.  
Squaresoft Police: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Roxas: YES, LIKE MY ESSENTIAL ROLE IS...-talks about role-  
World: We never would have guessed.  
Leon: I'm going home. -LFS follows him-  
Then Shi tried to get everyone to calm down by playing a game of charades. It was Sora's turn. He looked at his card and started cracking up. He fell over and started rolling around, hugging his sides.  
"Um, um..." Marluixa was trying to guess. "FISH OUT OF WATER!" Sora laughed harder, tears coming to his eyes.  
"A sugar-high phscyomaniac?" Shi said sarcastically. Sora pounded his feet on the ground.  
"Toaster oven." Roxas said seriously. Sora stopped laughing.  
"HE GOT IT HE GOT IT HE GOT IT!" He pointed at Roxas. Shi clapped, sighing.  
"Good for you...have a popsicle." She gave him a green one.  
"It's not red"  
"Oh well. Sue me"  
"FINE I WILL!" -lawyers swarm in- "SUE 'ER"  
Shi ran for her life and hid in the one place a lawyer would never look, a dumpster.  
And when she came out, things were worse. Plus she smelled like trash.  
RFS: Next item is one of Riku's shoelaces! We'll start the bid at 73628 dollars...-snatches a shoelace while Riku isn't looking-  
The night went like that for a few hours.  
Until it finally went completely downhill. At exactly 1:23 in the morning. Shi was sitting around picking up rubble and helping Roxas find a red popsicle. Which they found. Roxas happily scampered over to the stage and sat down on the edge, ignoring the RFS (his fan society) and their chanting.  
Riku was signing a song from the KH2 soundtrack...which he had not given the name to...yet...when he got to the second verse.  
"A...ah...ahhhhhhh..." he swayed heavily and plopped onto the stage. The RFS swarmed, picking him up and putting him on a bench so the ground wouldn't 'poison his essential Riku-ness.  
The crowd mobbed the stage, stealing Shi's shoe in the frenzy. Then they mobbed all over the place. Sora stood up.  
"BONFIRE!" The SFS clapped and started gathering Riku merchandise. The RFS grabbed Sora merchandise, and soon there was a pile taller than the big golf ball. Sora poked the pile with the Keyblade. "LET THERE BE"  
"NOOOOOO!" Shi cried, coming to her senses. "You smell like a dumpster." A random fangirl pointed out.  
"Thanks, I know that already. SORA, DON'T YOU'LL MAKE FIRE"  
"NOOO, LIGHT!" He ignited the pile, which turned to ash and spread all over the golf ball. The fire department kindly came.  
"Are you kids all right?" Random firefighter #1 asked. Shi sighed.  
"Oh sure, the place is in ruins, the SFA chased Kairi off the premises, Sora and Roxas can't stand, Riku fainted hours ago, and I lost my right shoe, but everything's still fine. -pause- "HOW CAN YOU ASK IF EVERYTHING'S FINE! OF COURSE IT'S NOT FINE!" -eats sugar- The firefighter took away the sugar.  
"Well, we're going to have to clean this up. So all of you go home"  
"I HAVE NO REAL HOME!" Sora said, his words slurring.  
"You don't? Does that mean you're an orpha"  
"NO OF COURSE NOT he's a bit delusional please excuse his behavior...he's my...um...cousin!" Shi shouted. World: GASP!  
SFS: WHAT!  
"Yeah, my cousin...cousin Sora, yep! So, uh, I'll take him back to my aunt and uncle's house...and Riku too...yep yep thaaaaat's right...Roxas, c'mon...OKAY BYE NOW SEE YA LATER GOOD LUCK CLEANING UP DON'T CALL US WE WERE NEVER HERE LOOK AT THIS LITTLE GLOW STICK -bright flash- THERE YOUR MEMORY'S ERASED BUH BYE!"


	5. When popsicles are gone and the mailman

CHAPTER 5--When popsicles are gone and the mailman lets you down

THREE HOURS LATER--RANDOM MEETING "Well that was a complete disaster." Shi, Sora, Riku, Kairi, Marluixa, Leon, and Roxas were all watching Shi's mini TV inside one of the gift shops, where Shi had made herself at home. Roxas stuck his hand into his box of all red popsicles and gasped.  
"They're gone..." He started sobbing, but no one noticed. Kairi was still brushing dirt and twigs out of her hair. She had gotten away from the fangirls and hid in the woods for 8 hours. She looked at the screen and sighed.  
"Sora, I can't believe you set that place on fire"  
"I didn't"  
"You did." Everyone said at once. Shi pointed to the screen where the news was screaming about an unknown fire phenomenon in Epcot. Sora blinked and stared at the rubble.  
"Wow. I guess I did burn it down. Odd, I can't remember"  
"OF COURSE YOU CAN'T, YOU WERE DELIRIOUS FROM SUGAR AND SODA INTAKE!" Riku shouted, chucking an empty soda can at him. He grabbed another one and chugged it. Kairi took it from him.  
"Riku, you're starting to have mood swings"  
"Really?" he asked, suddenly happy. Then he broke down in tears. "I'M SORRY BUT HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT THAT'S SO MEEEEEEEEEEAN!" he kept on crying. Marluxia slapped him.  
"Pull yourself together." Leon sighed and turned off Shi's TV. She screamed at him.  
"I don't care, I'm going to bed." He left. Riku and Roxas followed closely, too scared to have to go inside the mansion alone. Shi, Sora, Kairi, and Marluxia watched them walk away. Shi sighed, kneeling down to tie her shoe. She mumbled to herself as she tied it, then got up.  
"To let you know, we're having a reward challenge tomorrow afternoon at MGM. I'll come get you tomorrow morning. As for their team--I'll surprise them." She walked off, singing to herself. Kairi shook her head.  
"I'm not completely sure that's she's all there, you know? Like, in the head." Sora rolled his eyes.  
"What gave you that idea!" Shi turned around, about 100 yards away.  
"Heard that"  
NEXT MORNING, TEAM YENSID Roxas sat up and rubbed his eyes. Looking to his left, he saw Riku curled up in a ball on the floor, rocking from side to side and happily chanting something about Milky Ways and Snickers. Leon had already left to get his morning coffee. So he sleepily stood up and shuffled over to the random freezer, searching for a box of popsicles. After a minute, he gave up and looked in.  
The freezer was completely empty.  
Roxas shivered and stepped back in fear. Frantic, he scurried over to Riku and shook him awake.  
"Hmm? Augh...what is it, blondy""WHAT IS IT"  
"Popsicles are gone"  
"Oh well." Riku rolled away and fell back asleep. Roxas curled into a fetal position and whined. Leon came back, and he jumped up and ran over.  
"What do you want, you insane little blond freak"  
"Popsicles are gone"  
"That's unfortuante." Leon sipped his coffee and went outside again. Roxas stood in one spot and cried. Leon noticed Shi walking by. She came over to Leon outside and stole his coffee, chucking it into the pond. Leon stared at his empty hand and tried to say something, but Shi cut him off.  
"Shut up. I don't care. Where's pretty boy and blondy?" Leon stared, wide-eyed, and pointed to the doors. Shi stomped away and kicked down the already-repaired-once doors. Now they were totaled.  
"YO, RIKU, WAKE THE HECK UP!" she screamed, kicking him in the side. He moaned and sat up.  
"Why'd you kick me"  
"NO TIME FOR QUESTIONS! GET MOVING! HEY BLONDY, GET YOUR BUTT OUT THE DOOR"  
"Popsicles are gone." Roxas answered sadly, staring blankly ahead as he walked out towards the pathway to the main land. Riku dragged himself out behind Shi, who barked at Leon for walking too slow. Leon ran up ahead with Roxas.  
TEAM DISNEY "Sora, leave the gator alone." Kairi snapped, leading him away from the snarling, snapping alligator. Sora kicked.  
"Noooo, he's a puppy, see? A green puppy"  
"Puppies aren't green." Marluxia corrected, shining his scythe. "Don't make fun of him. He's green, and that's just fine with me. His name is Fluffy"  
"Fluffy doesn't have anything to do with him"  
"Yeah it does! Fluffy, here boy!" Fluffy snarled. "He said hello"  
"I think he was also implying that he wants to eat you." Kairi sighed, moving Sora further away from the alligator. Shi stomped out from around the corner, followed by Roxas, who looked like a soul in torment, Riku, who was half asleep, and Leon, who looked confused and sort of scared.  
"Hi. How's it going? No one's dead? Good. All of you, follow me. Let's get a move on and stop procrastinating." Kairi gaped. Sora gasped. Marluxia hugged his scythe.  
Shi walked away, her fists clenched. Marluxia followed. Sora went over to Roxas.  
"What's with you?" Kairi nodded.  
"Yeah"  
"Popsicles are gone"  
"Ooh." Sora said, flinching. "You poor child"  
"Popsicles are gone"  
THIRD CHALLENGE "Okay..." Shi took a calming breath. "I'm okay"  
"What was wrong with you...?" Leon asked, apalled.  
"KH2...moved back...to March 31st"  
"I see." Riku said, stepping back. They were all standing in a semicircle in front of her, at the Who Wants to be a Millionare game in MGM. Sora grinned cheesily.  
"It's nice to know you care about me that much"  
"Who said I cared about you in particular? Anyway..." Sora looked hurt. Riku laughed at him. "...here we are. At MGM, again. Inside there, two people will go in the Hot Seat. Whoever earns the most points, or should I say 'money', will win a reward for their team. Today's reward is an all you can eat buffet at the Hollywood and Vine outside here. You also get free tickets to Fantasmic"  
Sora drooled at the outlook of food. Kairi handed him a napkin to wipe his face off. Shi rolled her eyes.  
"Moving on...each team, pick a person to play. The rest of you will be audience." Team Disney looked at each other, then pushed Sora out. Sora meeped and tried to hide. "THANK YOU, SORA, for volunteering! Team Yensid, do you have a player?" Leon looked at Riku.  
"Don't you dare try and play. You're dumber than a sack of rocks"  
"Gee, thanks"  
"Don't mention it." Riku paused.  
"So are you going"  
"Heck no." Shi listened to all this and nodded.  
"'Kay then, Roxas"  
"NO!" Riku and Leon screamed, but it was too late. Roxas moved forward subconciously.  
"Popsicles are gone"  
"GOOD THEN, IT'S SETTLED!" Shi grabbed their hands and rushed them inside. Roxas waited backstage. Sora sat in the Hot Seat, and the rest filed into a row of seats in the crowd. Shi sat in the host's seat. A bunch of lights were on, but they turned to blacklights and then went out. Sora squeaked in fear. Shi sighed happily. "Okay then. These are the rules, Sora. I give you a question. You look down at the screen in front of you and look at the choices. I have the same screen as you, and when you answer, my screen will show me if you're right or not. If you're right, you move up the ladder of points. If you're wrong, you lose. When you reach 1,000 points, you're guaranteed to have a least that many points, and the same with 32,000. If you need help, you have three lifelines-  
50-50, which will take away two wrong answers leaving one wrong answer and the right answer, Ask the Audience, where you ask the audience for help, and Phone a Friend, where you can call a specific person outside of Disney or a specific person in the audience for help. Are you ready?" Sora blinked a few times.  
"Yeah"  
"Okay then! Here's your first question." Shi looked down at her screen, and Sora looked at his. "What culture is the food 'soba' associated with?" Sora stared at the screen. "Chinese, Japanese,  
American, or French"  
"Um..." Marluxia bit his fingernails. Kairi tapped her foot nervously. Sora continued staring. "I'd say Chinese..." Kairi squealed with protest.  
"SORA, YOU HAD THIS FOR DINNER ON OUR FIRST DATE I mean at my birthday once, with other people there." Marluxia started cracking up. Riku fell backwards, howling with laughter. Leon scoffed. "OH YEAH! It's, um, Japanese." Shi checked her screen.  
"Right! But Kairi, no more hints...and was it really your first date? How long ago was tha"  
"SHUDDAP"  
"Looks like I hit a nerve there. Next question. Where are the Winter Olympics this year? China, Russia, the USA, or New Zealand?" Sora grinned.  
"China"  
"You're...right. How did you"  
"Commercials"  
"Ah. Again, an example of how TV is molding the young minds of our world." Marluxia said sarcastically. Shi ignored the excessive commentary and went to the next question. Sora got three more right--and got terribly stuck on the sixth question.  
"What is the capital of Texas? Austin, Raleigh, Boston, or Los Angeles"  
"Can you...repeat that"  
"Sora, I've said it over three hundred times"  
"301!" Marluxia said, adding a tally to the dry erase board next to him. Riku was doodling in the corner of it, Kairi was painting her nails, and Leon was asleep. Roxas was backstage chanting about popsicles.  
Sora shifted uneasily in his chair. "Can I use a lifeline"  
"Sure...you can ask the audience or phone a friend." Sora beamed. "I'll ask the audience"  
This plan backfired.  
"Austin--25. Raleigh--25. Boston--25. L.A.--25." Shi cringed. "There being only four people in the audience, it isn't really a shock that it ended up this way...wow..." Sora sobbed.  
"WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST AGREE ON SOMETHING"  
"We're individuals." Leon muttered, scooching away from Riku. "We're different"  
"That's a shocker, NO WONDER YOU MORONS CAN NEVER GET ALONG AND MAKE LIFE EASIER! Now then, Sora, you can make a random guess, probably get it wrong, and bring yourself and your team to shame, and be ostracized and hated by your only friends..." Sora gulped. "...OR you can use the phone a friend and hope and pray that whoever you call isn't a complete moron.  
Make a choice in the next five minutes"  
10 minutes later.  
"I can't believe you." Kairi grumbled, her arms crossed. Sora sat down next to her and sobbed into her shoulder. "You called YOUR MAILMAN"  
"But...he remembers where my house is, so I thought he'd remember something like this"  
"First of all, he wasn't even home. His brother in law picked up." Riku said. "Second, they thought the answer was Boston. That's the capital of Massachusetts. At the complete other end of the country. How much wronger could you possibly get"  
"WRONGER ISN'T EVEN A WORD!" Sora screamed in his defense.  
"SO WHAT IF MY GRAMMAR'S OFF! YOU CALLED YOUR STUPID MAILMAN--NOT EVEN THE MAILMAN, HIS BROTHER IN LAW--FOR A QUESTION THAT DECIDES YOUR ENTIRE WELL-BEING!" Kairi clamped a hand over Riku's mouth.  
"You're loud. Shut up. Sora, you're a moron, get over it"  
"I am not a moron"  
"Sora, you tried to order a pizza and forgot what you were calling about"  
"I was hungry"  
"I can tell. Your brain never works when you're hungry." Marluxia scoffed.  
"Not that it ever works anyway..." Sora turned bright red and kicked him in the stomach. Marluxia keeled over and groaned. "You idiot"  
"TAKE THAT, PROFESSER FOSSIL!" Sora sat back down happily while Marluxia pulled himself up onto his seat. Leon sighed in his sleep and rearannged his jacket, which he was using as a pillow.  
Shi wiped off the Hot Seat, which was covered in Sora's tears. Then she reset the questions and turned to the left, looking off stage. "Roxas? You still there"  
"Popsicles are gone." came his faint and depressed reply. He shuffled out, looking at the floor the whole time, and climbed slowly into the chair. "You heard the rules before, right"  
"Popsicles are gone"  
"Aren't you going to say anything else?" Shi asked. Roxas stared at his screen, not moving except for blinking and breathing. Riku slapped his forehead and hopped over the railing of the first row of seats, stomping his way over to Roxas.  
"YOU MORON! THIS OUGHTA KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO YOU!" he raised his fist, but Shi grabbed it.  
"Violence solves nothing." Riku stared.  
"Dude, don't you ever watch American Idol?" Shi tripped in disgust.  
"That's not what I meant. And anyway, problems are never solved on that show either. Go siddown." Riku went. "TRANSLATOR!" A random handheld computer materialized in Shi's hands. "Ah,  
good. Now Roxas, you ready"  
"Popsicles are gone"  
The computer said: TRANSLATION--YES, I AM READY.  
"Okay then. Let's go." Shi read off the first question. "What's the Latin word for wolf? Lupus, Canis, Ridet, or Arbor?" Roxas sighed.  
"Popsicles...are gone"  
TRANSLATION--LUPUS.  
"That is correct!" Sora, Riku, Kairi, and Marluxia watched with confusion. Leon snored. "Next question is...what is the name of the mythical dog who guards the Underworld? Cerberus, Hades,  
Hercules, or Mercury"  
"POPsicles are gone"  
TRANSLATION--CERBERUS.  
"Right"  
4 questions later...it was the infamous question number six.  
"Okay then. What does tsubasa mean in Japanese? Bird, sky, wings, or taco"  
"Popsiiiiiiiiiiiiicles are gone"  
TRANSLATION--WINGS.  
"You're...RIGHT! Game over! Team Yensid wins!" Riku jumped up and tackled Leon. Leon woke up, saw Riku hugging him, and hurled him across the room. He hit a light and slammed into the sound booth, scaring away the sound people. Ignoring the pain, Riku stumbled over to Roxas and hugged him. Roxas gasped for air.  
"Popsicles are"  
"SAY NO MORE, PAL! YOU CAN HAVE AS MANY POPSICLES AS YOU CAN EAT!" Roxas's face lit up. Sora cried. Kairi led him away. Marluxia beat up a chair.  
After Team Disney had left, Riku turned to Roxas. "So how'd you get that right? I mean, even I didn't know that." Roxas cleared his throat.  
"Well, you see, being in the unemotional state I was, everything became clearer. For example, the reason they never just built a raft on Gilligan's Island is because the season would have ended too soon, the reason pigs can't fly is because they'd crash right back down to the ground, and obviously, the chicken came before the egg"  
Shi stared in fear. "You scare me, you know that"  
"No." He dove into the buffet that appeared, tearing apart the box of popsicles and shoving three into his mouth at once. Shi sighed and left the three boys to their food.  
TEAM DISNEY--5 PM "I cannot believe you"  
"Kairi, stop saying that..." Sora scooted across the floor away from her. "...it scares me." Kairi sighed, clenching her fists tightly.  
"It scares you, does it? Well how about this--we're out of food, stuck in a theme park, and tonight we'll probably go hungry. How's that sound?" Sora paused.  
"Like another typical night in Disney World?" Marluxia nodded in agreement. Kairi shook her head.  
"No, it sounds like your nights. You two are going to starve, and I get the food because I said so." She stood up and stormed off. Sora started sobbing.  
"She's so heartless...WHAT HAVE I DONE! I'VE DESTROYED HERRRRRRRRRRRR!" Marluxia shrugged, munching flower petals.  
"Sure." Sora threw himself onto the ground, kicking and screaming. Marluxia turned greenish and ran for a trash can. Sora stopped.  
"Do you ever learn?" Marluxia didn't answer, leaning over a random trash can outside. Sora sniffed. "I'm all alone...in the world..." Marluxia came back and sat down next to him.  
"Listen. I see you're having girl problems"  
Sora stared at him. "And how the heck are you going to help me? The only girl who even bothers to look at you is probably your mom"  
"HEY KID, LOOK HERE..." Sora got up and walked away. Before he was out of sight, he turned around and screamed, "YOUR MOM!" before leaving the Tomorrowland area.  
Marluxia stared into the distance. A pigeon landed next to him and looked up at a flower petal in his hair. Marluxia glared. "What are you looking at, feather duster"  
TEAM YENSID--5 PM "Roxas, I've never seen anyone eat so many fudgesicles in my life." Riku mumbled, staring at him. Roxas was lying on the floor, seven empty boxes of popsicles surrounding him. His entire face was covered in chocolate and colored popsicle pieces.  
"I've died and gone to heaven. Leave me be." he answered, closing his eyes happily. Leon stood up after finishing his fourth double cheeseburger with the works.  
"I'm going back. I'm tired"  
"Did you just say you're...tired?" Riku asked, looking at him with confusion.  
"...Yeah"  
"Migawd..." Roxas said, sitting up. "The alien has feelings"  
"I'm not an alien"  
"He's in denial? I didn't know aliens could be in denial." Riku said. Roxas nodded. Leon clenched his fists.  
"I...am...not an ALIEN! I'M HUMAN"  
"Are not." Roxas retorted, chewing on a popsicle stick. "Oh yeah? Who isn't human, you NOBODY"  
Roxas gasped.  
Riku gasped.  
Shi screamed.  
"LEON!" Leon spun around, watching with fear as Shi stomped over, carrying a baseball bat. "That was insensitive and cruel. This calls for immediate action. All of you, to the peer mediation room"  
"You have one of those..." Roxas started to ask.  
"GET MOVIN', OR I'LL HIT A HOMER ON YOUR HEAD!" The three boys took of to the mediation room and sat down in seperate chairs. Shi sat at the big desk, on top of a few phonebooks.  
"It takes three phonebooks for you to see over that desk?" Riku asked, laughing. Shi glared.  
"Yes, Riku. And it takes only one large amount of pressure to your head, from one large swing, to knock you into a coma for the next year." Riku turned pale. "Good. Now that we understand each other, we'll begin this session. Roxas, you first"  
Roxas gulped. "Okay"  
"Now then. Back there, we all heard Leon call you a Nobody. This may be true, but what is your outlook on this sinful event"  
"Um...well...he's a jerk"  
"Yes, we know that. But how do you FEEL about that"  
"I feel...angered"  
"And"  
"And...degraded"  
"Degraded." Shi said, looking at Leon and then Riku. "You all heard it. HE FEELS DEGRADED. How could you sinful bullies batter a boy's mentality so much that he no longer feels he is worth it?" Riku's eyes filled with tears. Leon flicked a wubbie off his jacket. "LEON"  
"Hm"  
"What do you have to say for yourself, young man"  
"...I'm older than you"  
"That's beside the point. What do you have to say for yourself"  
"Nothing"  
"I see. So you have no feeling at all over what you have done"  
"Nope"  
Shi paused. "That...is sick." She glared at Leon and banged her fist on the desk. "SICK! YOU ARE A SINNER AT HEART, DEGRADING A CHILD YOUNGER THAN YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU FEEL YOU HAVE THE AUTHORITY OVER HIM! WELL YOU KNOW WHAT! YOU HAVE NO AUTHORITY, LEON! YOU'RE NOTHING BUT DUST IN THE WIND, AND YOU WILL SOON RUE THE DAY YOU EVER KNEW ME AND MY BASEBALL BAT EXISTED"  
-cricket cricket cricket-  
"Um?" Riku said, standing up. "I think I'm gonna leave now..." he ran outside, followed by Roxas. Leon stayed where he was, looking at Shi with a mixture of fear and confusion.  
"You're insane." he said finally, standing up.  
Shi smiled. "Good. Fear it."


	6. Mood swings, iguanas, and viking hats

CHAPTER 6--Mood swings, iguanas, and viking hats

TEAM DISNEY, THE NEXT MORNING Kairi stared at Sora. "What's wrong with you"  
"Nerves...been stuck...in this insane place with that deranged happy child...so long...so...scared of the world..." Marluxia walked in and pointed.  
"What's wrong with him?" Suddenly Sora turned red.  
"WHY, DO YOU THINK SOMETHING'S WRONG WITH ME! AM I A FAULTY EXISTENCE! HUH! DO YOU THINK I'M A WASTE! WELL"  
"N-no, I was just saying"  
"WELL MAYBE YOU SHOULD THINK BEFORE YOU SAY, YOU MORON! OR IS THAT TOO DIFFICULT!" Kairi raised an eyebrow.  
"Sora, are you sure you're all right"  
Sora's expression went calm, and he smiled sweetly, speaking in a soft, relaxed voice. "Of course I'm fine, Kairi. I was merely showing Marluxia the error of his ways"  
"What"  
"CONFUSED! OR ARE YOU JUST IGNORING ME BECAUSE YOU COULD CARE LESS ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY! THAT'S PROBABLY IT, RIGHT! I'M SO USELESS THAT YOU WON'T EVEN STOP TO LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY"  
"Sora, that's not true"  
Now he started to cry. "Of course it is...no one likes me..." Kairi gasped.  
"It can't be..." she paused. "But it is. Mood swings." Marluxia screamed in terror.  
"MIGAWD what are we going to do! CALL THE NAVY, THE NATIONAL GUARD, SOMEBODY HELP! I'M SPIRALING! I'M SPIRALING!" Shi slapped him.  
"There. All better?" He nodded. "Good then. What's up?" Kairi pointed to Sora, who was still crying. "Mood swings. I see. A terrible disease if I ever saw one. I'm afraid there's not much I can do"  
"Are you serious"  
"Unfortunately...yes. All you can do is try your best to not set him off. The next challenge is in half an hour. Meet me at Epcot then"  
"And these insane challenges aren't going to set him off and ruin our lives, right?" Marluxia asked, clutching his scythe in fear.  
"That, I can't promise. Bye-bye, friends!" she left.  
Marluxia looked at Kairi. "Shi's a demonic little girl, isn't she"  
"You didn't get that her name was death and she spreads about that much happiness"  
"Apparently, no"  
"Apparently, you need a reality check"  
"I thought you got those at the dentist every 6 months"  
Kairi slapped her forehead. "C'mon, we have to leave"  
"LEAVE!" Sora shrieked, shivering in horror. "I'M NOT LEAVING!" Marluxia raised his scythe.  
"LOOK, CHILD, ENOUGH WITH YOUR TEENAGE MOOD ISSUES! START MOVING"  
"I'M NOT GOING OUTSIDE! OUTSIDE WAS WHERE THE CIVIL WAR WAS HELD! I'M STAYING HERE!" Kairi glared.  
"Stay here and the rats will eat you." Sora screamed and fainted. "Good, we can leave now...hey Father Time, carry the boy to Epcot"  
"HECK NO"  
"HOW'D YOU LIKE TO DIE, PUNK"  
Marluxia: Oo "Okay..." Marluxia picked up Sora and followed Kairi out of the park and down the road to Epcot.

TEAM YENSID, SAME TIME "My feeeeeeeeet hurt..." Roxas complained. Riku nodded.  
"Mine too"  
"My feeeeeeeeet hurt"  
"Mine too"  
"My"  
"SHUT UP!" Leon roared, turning around in the middle of the road. "I don't care if your 'feeeeeeet hurt'! Just can it and keep walking"  
"I say we flag down a cab." Riku snapped. Roxas grinned.  
"Yeah"  
"NO! NO CABS! IN MY DAY, WE WALKED EVERYWHERE UPHILL BOTH WAYS"  
-silence-  
"In your day?" Riku asked, raising an eyebrow. "When was your day"  
"1901 I MEAN...this day, why"  
Roxas and Riku gasped. "YOU'RE 105"  
"NO, what gave you that idea?" Leon mumbled, tucking a gray hair underneath the brown ones. Roxas walked farther away from him, followed by Riku.  
"There's something wrong with the alien. I think...he's different than usual. He hasn't threatened my life yet"  
"Yet." Riku added sarcastically. "I'm sure it's nothing"  
"But didn't you hear? He said his day was 1901"  
"Yeah that was kinda weird. Leave it until the challenge...there's another tribal council this time around. That death and destruction child can pick up on anything, so if something's up,  
she'll find out." Roxas nodded slowly.  
"You're right. She was totally on to me that time I had that lizard hidden in my pocket." He pulled it out and held it up. It was a very angry, very snapping iguana. "His name's Philip.  
Wanna hold him?" Riku shook his head as Philip snarled and tried to bite his hand off.  
"No thanks...are you sure Philip's...legal"  
"Of course! Isn't he the sweetest...PHILIP, NO! What have I told you about eating people!"

FOURTH CHALLENGE "Welcome one, welcome all, to the fourth splendiforous challenge! Let's give it a round of applause!" Shi started to clap. No one else clapped, and Shi stopped and stared at them ashamedly. "You people are dead inside"  
"Thank you for raising our self-confidence." Riku muttered with annoyance. Sora screeched.  
"I'M DEAD INSIDE"  
"NO YOU MORON IT'S A FIGURE OF SPEECH"  
"SPEECH HAS FIGURES! ARE THEY GOING TO EAT ME!" Sora clenched his fists. "I'LL KILL THOSE STUPID FIGURES OF SPEECH YOU JUST WATCH! MUAHAHAHAHA...oh no, I can't believe that I had such a violent thought, I'm such a horrible person..." he started to cry, and Shi took that moment to talk.  
"Okay, so here we are, at another challenge. This is obviously an immunity challenge, so Team Disney, gimme the immunity idol." Marluixa tossed her the Mickey plushie. Staring at it for a second, Shi tossed it over her shoulder into a random pit of fire. Roxas screamed.  
"MICKEY! He was my buddy..." Shi scoffed.  
"Too bad, here's the new idol." she held up a Stitch plushie. "See? Even spiffier"  
King Mickey, at that very moment, somewhere random: "I feel like...I've been...defeated by...commercialism"  
"ANYWAY, after that insanely rude and random interruption by the mouse himself, here's the challenge rules of DOOM. Literally, of doom." Shi snapped her fingers and a little piece of paper appeared. Riku started to laugh.  
"That little scrap of notebook paper is our doom"  
"Oh, it's not just any scrap of notebook paper, Riku..." Shi cackled evilly. "It's a scavenger hunt." Sora screamed again.  
"NOT A SCAVENGER HUNT ANYTHING BUT A SCAVENGER HUNT AHHHHH NO"  
-inside Sora's memory...- Sora remembers a scavenger hunt from Riku's 4th birthday party. He had to find a shiny pebble. On his way to find one, he was mauled by a pigeon. The end of Sora's flashback. -ends-  
"That harrowing memory lives on in my mind..." Sora started to cry. Shi sniffed.  
"That is so sad...OH WELL LIFE GOES ON! In the meantime, let's go over the rules. You each get a list. They each have different tasks so you aren't killing each other to get the same things"  
"You mean you DON'T want us to kill each other?" Kairi said loudly, shocked. Everyone else looked at each other and nodded. It was surprising--the insane child didn't want to laugh at their misery and failure?  
Shi laughed. "Oh, of course I do." The others let out a disappointed sigh. "You're just going to kill each other in an attempt to slow the other team down, instead." Marluxia rolled his eyes.  
"Gee, you sure made some sacrifices to your joy to make us feel more appreciated"  
"Yes, I know, I know. Now then, here are your lists"  
They magically floated down to the team members. Riku grabbed Team Yensid's, and Marluxia grabbed Team Disney's.  
"A crossaint with a rock inside of it..." Riku read. "Huh"  
"That's not as weird as a taco made of index cards." Kairi said, looking up at Shi. "Are you sure that any of this is even here"  
"Yeah, it's all here in Epcot. In the World Showcase, so don't bother looking inside Spaceship Earth or anything. Your brain will melt, but you won't find anything on that list. Now everyone ready to go?" They all nodded. "OKAYREADYSETGO GO!" Riku took off, leaving Roxas and Leon in the dust. They hurried to catch up while Kairi and Marluxia tried to get Sora to stop clinging to the bench.  
"Come on Sora! Don't you want the Stitch plushie?" Kairi pleaded, trying desperately to pry his arm out from its death grip on the bench. Sora shook his head.  
"IT'LL HAVE LOOSE THREADS AND THEN I'LL CHOKE ON THEM"  
"STOP BEING SO NEUROTIC!" Marluxia screamed, raising his scythe. Kairi stopped him.  
"Dinosaur Man, violence is not the way to get through to a fourteen year old"  
"Then what do you suggest!" Shi watched with interest, wanting to know what would happen now.  
"Something...something that would empty his mind all at once...you know, like, knock him out"  
"A punch"  
"NO, I said no violence"  
"THEN WHAT"  
"WAIT, I KNOW! Sora, turn around!" he did, and was promptly kissed by Kairi. Shi screamed and fell over backwards, but scrambled back up to take pictures. Marluxia yelped and jumped away.  
Kairi stepped back and shook her head. "Wow that was weird"  
"Young looooove..." Marluxia started to say, but Kairi kicked him in the shin and sent him spiraling into the pavement.  
Sora did nothing. He sat completely still and didn't move except for breathing. Kairi poked his shoulder. "Sora"  
"Yes, Kairi"  
"Scavenger hunt"  
"Yes, Kairi." he stood up and walked away, not blinking. Shi was looking through her digital camera and chuckling to herself.  
"Oh, the money money money I will get get get when the fans fans fans see this this this..." she chanted happily. "Aw, that one was fuzzy...delete"  
Kairi grabbed her camera and raised it up as if to throw it. Shi screamed. "KAIRI NO"  
"Show these to ANYONE, and I will make your life a living nightmare. A nightmare that you will never wake up from." Shi nodded slowly and carefully took back her camera. "Understood"  
"Yes ma'am...Kairi ma'am..." Kairi dragged a still-in-shock Sora away, followed by a still-in-pain Marluxia. Shi made some popcorn and pulled out a portable DVD player. She was halfway through watching the entire 7th season of None of My Kids Thursday, and the episode where Courtney gets a pigeon for St. Patrick's Day was the next one on the disk. It was not to be missed.

Riku looked at Roxas. "Let's find that crossaint with the rock first. Where do they have crossaints"  
"Dunkin Donuts?" Roxas said hopefully. Riku slapped him.  
"No, you moron! Think! Think COUNTRY that has crossaints." Roxas thought.  
"Kentucky"  
"THAT'S NOT A COUNTRY!" Riku roared, infuriated. "Leon? You know?" Leon looked around.  
"I dunno...France"  
"FRANCE THAT'S RIGHT IT'S FRANCE!" Riku took off across the big bridge that led to France. Leon followed. Before running off after them, Roxas sighed.  
"Coulda sworn it was Kentucky." Then he followed.  
Five minutes later.  
"OKAY, here's the crossaint basket...which one has a rock in it?" Roxas said, looking at Riku, then Leon, then Riku again. Riku shrugged.  
"Whichever one's the heaviest." They all picked one up. Each one was the same. "Well, that won't work...I know, stick your finger in it!" They did. Leon's had the rock, so they threw it in the brown paper bag that was supposed to hold the items from the list. Riku pulled out a pencil and checked off the first item. "Next...a manga with at least 50 pages." He took off. Leon sighed.  
"He has GOT to stop bolting like that"  
"He's like a lightning bolt." Roxas said, laughing.  
-cricket cricket cricket-  
"What"  
"A lightning BOLT, get it? Because he BOLTS so much? It's a joke"  
"No it isn't"  
"IT IS TOO"  
"No, it isn't. It's not even funny." Leon insisted. They kept arguing as they walked away, following the trail of ripped up ground Riku had left.

Kairi looked around. "Taco made of index cards...taco made of index cards. Well we're in Mexico, so where's all the tacos?" she turned around to see Sora pointing at the taco store. "Oh,  
right. Tacos...at the taco store"  
Now that Sora's mood swing had ended, he was back to his normal self. Which was, in some ways, worse.  
Marluxia went into the back of the little booth to where all the tacos were. Picking a few up, he held them out so Kairi could see. "Which one looks like index cards?" Kairi shrugged. Sora shrugged.  
"They all taste like index cards." he said, munching a few. Kairi took them away and threw them into the lake.  
"Sora...FOCUS!" Sora smirked.  
"Or what, you'll kiss me again?" Marluxia scoffed.  
"No, you moron, I won't. Not ever." She threw a rock at him. "Now get your head out of the clouds and find the stupid taco...HEY, I found it!" She grabbed the taco made of index cards and put it in their brown paper bag. "What's next"  
"Viking helmet! I WANT THE VIKING HELMET I CALL IT!" Sora screamed, running towards the Viking place. Marluxia followed him.  
"NO, I DESERVE IT MOST! I SHALL REGAIN POWER OVER THE VIKING HELMET, AND USE ITS VIKING HELMETY POWERS TO TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE AND SHROUD THE WORLDS IN DARKNESS!" Kairi stopped him.  
"Didn't you already try to shroud the worlds in darkness"  
"Yeah, so"  
"And Sora, the brainless wonder, stopped you?" Marluxia paused, obviously unsure of how to make a come back to something so painfully true.  
"Yeah, well...you know the old saying. Just because a brainless wonder of a 14 year old thwarts your evil plan doesn't mean he'll thwart it if you try again"  
"There is no old saying that goes like that"  
"Isn't there one about if you fail try, try again"  
"Yes"  
"Then I meant that one. Only without the evil plan being thwarted by a brainless wonder part. NOW OFF TO GAIN MY HELMET OF VIKING POWER! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!" Kairi sighed.  
"They're both such idiots..."

"HERE IT IS, A MANGA WITH AT LEAST 50 PAGES!" Roxas held it up proudly. Leon snatched it away.  
"It does have at least 50 pages...but then again, they all do. So which one do we take?" He looked through the pile. "Maybe it's the one that says TAKE THIS ONE"  
"Nah, it can't be!" Riku said, taking the one Roxas had picked up. "That's just a trap. I've seen it all before. They think we're so stupid we'll take the one with the label, but HA! We've got so much brainpower, we know we have to take the less obvious one. TAKE THAT, INSANE CHILD!" He started to walk away, but Leon stopped him.  
"Really, it must be that one. Shi isn't that smart, either. She's smarter than you, but not very smart overall." Riku glared.  
"Leon, you insensitive, heartless fiend. Stop ruining my moment of triumph over Shi the hyperactive insane girl and let's go"  
"It could cost us the challenge. There's only one item left, and we have to get them all. I say we play it safe and take the one with the label"  
Roxas and Riku looked at each other. "Nah!" they both said, laughing. As they walked away, Leon shrugged.  
"Oh well, their loss if we lose. Off to find..." he checked the list. "A lizard."

"HELMET OF VIKING POOOOOWER? WHERE AAAAARE YOOOOU!" Marluxia screamed, his voice echoing through the tunnel. Sora ran past him and shoved him into the water. "YOU FIEND,  
I'LL GET YOU FOT THIS!" Marluxia roared, kicking water at him. Sora just kept running.  
"I'M GONNA GET A VIKING HAT, DOO DAH, DOO DAH, I'M GONNA GET A VIKING HAT, LALALALALALAAAAA HEY HERE IT IIIIIIS!" he sang, grabbing the hat and putting it on. "I LIKE IT!  
Kairi, don't you like it"  
"No. It's so 1000 A.D., Sora"  
"So"  
"You're out of fashion with that hat"  
Sora looked down at his clothes. "Was I ever in fashion to begin with"  
"No, but that hat brings you further out of fashion"  
Marluxia scoffed again. "As if he could get any further out of it. Anyway, I don't want it, it totally clashes with this black cloak." Kairi spun around.  
"LIKE OMG, YOU ARE SO TOTALLY RIGHT!" Marluxia nodded.  
"Yeah, I was thinking more along the lines of a scarf"  
"THAT WOULD BE SO ADORABLE! I saw this dark blue one, in this store, and it was SOOOOOO cute! It would completely blend with your black cloak!" Sora backed away.  
"Kairi, you're scaring me..." she turned to him, suddenly normal.  
"Am I? Sorry. Terribly sorry. Father Time, pack it up. We gotta go find a sombrero"  
"OMIGAWD I WANT THE SOMBRERO! FOSSIL PERSON, TAKE THE VIKING HELMET!" Sora scampered away, singing the Mexican hat dance song. Marluxia put on the helmet.  
"You know, it does give one a feeling of...power"  
"And it gives others the feeling of nausea. Take it off"  
"DO NOT SEPERATE ME, THE POWERFUL ORGANIZATION MEMBER MARLUXIA, FROM HIS POWER, CHILD"  
"HOW'D YOU LIKE ME TO SEPERATE YOUR ARM FROM THE REST OF YOUR BODY, MORON"  
"I wouldn't." he walked away quickly, glancing back with fear. Kairi sighed and followed wearily.

"So where do we go to get a lizard!" Roxas asked. No one answered. "COME ON, we have to find it! Or we loooooose"  
Riku glared. "You think we don't know that"  
"Well I don't know what you're thinking"  
"That wasn't the question, genius." Leon sighed. "I guess we just have to go back. Maybe Sora, Kairi, and the flower guy didn't find all theirs either." Riku nodded.  
"Yeah...yeah, you're right. There's no way any team with Sora found all theirs. Anytime he does scavengers hunts, he gets mauled by pigeons." He followed Leon and Roxas back to the starting point.

Sora pulled on the sombrero. "WEEEEEEEEE I gots a sombrero, Kairi"  
"Good for you. Stop acting like you're five and let's get a move on. We have to get back to the start before the other guys do." Kairi was about to turn around when she saw Marluxia hiding something in his pocket. "What do you have"  
"NOTHING"  
"Show me"  
"NO"  
"SHOW ME OR I RIP YOUR LEG OFF"  
"FINE!" Marluxia held up an iguana. "I found him over there." he pointed to the Chinese food place. Kairi shook her head.  
"I don't have time to do anything about this, so let's just get back. Sora, pull the sombrero up so you can actually see where you're going." He did, and they all left.

Shi looked up, wiping her eyes with her sleeve. The DVD had just passed the episode where the pigeon Courtney got for St. Patrick's Day presented the wedding ring given to her as a birthday gift from Frederick, her boyfriend since high school. Sobbing, she grabbed the box of tissues just as the two teams came in at the exact same time.  
"AUGH! I mean...-sniff- hello, everyone. Got all the stuff?" Sora stared.  
"Are you...crying"  
"NO, I've got...dust in my eye"  
"Oh. That's terrible." Roxas said. Shi nodded.  
"Now...show me the scavenger hunt stuff. Team Disney, you first." Sora pointed to his sombrero, grinning and humming the Mexican hat dance song. Marluxia held his Viking hat, muttering something about world conquest. Kairi gave Shi the taco made of index cards. "Team Disney, you got all your items! Good. But since you both came in at the same exact moment, right as the credits were rolling on my DVD, you don't automatically win. Team Yensid, show me what you found." Riku gave her the manga with at least 50 pages and Leon gave her the crossaint with the rock inside it.  
"So Riku, you guys DIDN'T take the manga that said TAKE THIS ONE"  
"Nope"  
"Good. It was a trap. A cunning, evil trap." Riku started laughing triumphantly, pointing at Leon and mocking him.  
"SEE! I was right! RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT, I WAS RIGHT! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ignoring Riku's celebrating, Shi went on to Roxas. Roxas sighed.  
"No lizard"  
"You couldn't find it? It was obvious. The stuffed animal store. It was one of the stuffed animals there, didn't you see?" Shi suddenly noticed Marluxia holding an iguana. "Just like that one." Marluxia looked at the lizard, then at Shi.  
"You mean Carlos is a stuffed animal? But he's real!" Roxas gasped.  
"PHILIP"  
"NO, CARLOS, YOU MANIAC!" Shi blinked.  
"Roxas, is that your lizard"  
"THAT'S PHILIP HE'S MY PET"  
"Is he legal"  
"HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GOING TO ASK THAT? Yes, of course. He's really very sweet. Philip, come 'ere!" Philip leaped away from Marluxia and scampered to Roxas. Marluxia cried.  
"Carlos...WHY!" Kairi smacked him.  
"SHUT UP BEFORE I TEAR YOUR VOCAL CORDS OUT!" Shi stared, looking scared for once.  
"So much for being a princess..." Kairi grabbed her by her shirt collar and glared, her free hand clenched into a fist.  
"I AM A PRINCESS! A PRETTY, PERFECT, PRINCESS"  
"YES YES OF COURSE YOU ARE LEMME GO HAVE MERCY!" Shi wailed. Kairi dropped her, and she scurried away. "So, um, Roxas. You have a lizard, and it counts even though it isn't a stuffed animal"  
"I can fix that!" Marluxia roared, raising his scythe. Roxas screamed, and Shi shook her head.  
"No. You won't. Now, I guess that it's a tie..." Philip snarled and bit Shi's hand as hard as he could. Shi yelped and tried to pull her hand back, but Philip chomped down harder. "OW!  
OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW! LET GO OF MY HAND YOU EVIL ANIMAL! LEGGO!" Roxas gasped.  
"PHILIP YOU CAN'T EAT PEOPLE HOW MANY TIMES HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT!" he stepped back and pulled. Philip let go, and Shi moaned.  
"MY HAAAAAAAND...ow..." Riku smiled innocently.  
"So do we have a tie breaker"  
"OF COURSE NOT! THERE IS NO TIE ANYMORE! Team Disney, you win." Team Disney cheered and jumped around. Sora grabbed the Stitch plushie and held it up over his head. Kairi and Marluxia lifted him on their shoulders and walked away, chanting happily.  
Riku looked from them, to Shi, to Roxas, to Philip, to Leon, and back to Shi. "We lose"  
"Yeah. No killer animals unless I'm the one with them. Tribal council is in an hour. Meet me at the castle, and think about who you want voted off." Shi walked off. Riku glared at Roxas and cracked his knuckles, gently clenching his hands into tight fists. Leon pulled out his Gunblade.  
Roxas smiled. "Hehehe...um..." Philip leaped away, already aware that if he stayed, he'd get pummeled too. Roxas watched him leave, then looked back to his enraged teammates. "Uh, I guess accidents happen, right"  
Riku smirked and laughed sarcastically. "Oh sure, accidents happen"  
Leon glared. "But blaming the 'accident' on you is no accident." He lunged. Riku lunged. Roxas yelped and darted away, running for the exit to the Magic Kingdom. Riku and Leon followed,  
screaming at him for all they were worth. 


End file.
